Wednesday, November 16, 2011

RFW: Returning tomorrow!

Resolution for Women


Wow!  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I’ve been sort of going through the motions of life over the past few weeks.  First, I had the unexpected/expected passing of my Grandpa.  I say unexpected/expected because we could all see his health was deteriorating.  However, on Oct 28 my family was told by Hospice that Paw Paw’s life expectancy was 2 weeks.  Unfortunately, he died the following day. 


I’ve been processing my grief over this loss.  It’s a “different” sort of grief compared to what I’ve previously known.  I wasn’t incredibly close to my grandpa, despite being raised next door to him.  As I was a child, he didn’t do things I had seen other grandparents do.  He didn’t come to high school graduations…He didn’t come to the hospital when I had Kade or Kohen.  He didn’t even go to my sister’s wedding.  I allowed all those things he didn’t do to build up a wall between me and him.  I feel almost certain in saying that over the past few years, I feel as if he was full of regret and wanted a second chance.  I was not willing to give him that.  So, as he lay on his death bed, I whispered in his ear that I would see him again someday—I knew he had been saved by God’s grace.  He told our family not to worry.  He said, “I’ve made things right with God.”  I told him that I had forgiven him for all the stuff which went wrong in our relationship, but I wasn’t an innocent bystander.  I told him I hoped he would forgive me too.


It’s been hard.  Really hard.  Much harder than I anticipated it to be to lose him.  I don’t think I really knew how much I loved him until that moment.


Anyway, after I dealt with his passing the other shoe sort of dropped.  My employer is outsourcing my job to another company.  Thankfully, we are being relocated into other areas of the company, but in a lot of ways, this too feels like a death.  I am mourning the closeness of the many friendships I’ve made over the years.  I’m mourning the customers I’ll never get to talk to again.  I’m mourning the normalcy I found at work.


So, long story short (I know, right?!?) I’ve been in a fog.  I finished up my bible study with some pretty fantastic women last night at church; “One in a Million” by Priscilla Shirer is one of the best things I’ve completed in my life.  God used this study to show me so many things about myself and becoming “one in a million.”  I’m nervous, scared, excited, over-whelmed, encouraged, impatient—a melting pot of emotions--with all the areas God has shown me are opportunities for me to experience Him and His love for me.  I have a completely new outlook on “the wilderness.”  I don’t want to miss whatever God is trying to teach me. 


So I’m totally committed to returning to The Resolution for Women bible study which I’d been posting on a few weeks ago.  It will be returning tomorrow =)  Stick around!





1 comment:

Brenda said...

Elaine, this is a very emotional and exciting blog. Emotional because the things with your Grandpa. I love the little talk that you had with him at the end. Very touching. Praise the Lord. Next so excited for the changes that God has mad in your life. I have already seen changes in you. Thank you for this blog.

I began blogging several years ago in search of new friends who, like me, were having a difficult time getting pregnant. Five years, 2 miscarriages, 4 failed IUI's, and a doctor who told us "It will never happen" later, we are the proud parents of Kade and Kohen. They are each an example of God's absolute perfection. We thank God where medical intervention stops, Divine intervention begins.